Waiting

Waiting today, for results from Meg's PET scan last week.  With the long weekend, the wait is especially long.  Last week I was filled with anxiety and dread.  Meg was convinced that her nodes in her neck were enlarged, and that she is once again experiencing the swallowing issues that were a symptom before diagnosis.  CT was Thursday - PET friday.  Her doctor called Friday morning while Meg was waiting for the isotope injection.  He said the CT looked "good" - some thymic rebound (very common) and the nodes in her abdomen were "stable."  Huh?  What does that mean - nodes in abdomen stable?  I thought we were good.  I thought that there were no nodes to watch.
So now we wait for the PET results, to see if "stable" means clear, or "stable" means cancer.
On the plus side, no mention of enlarged nodes in her neck.  So maybe we are okay?  For now at least?
Can we dare to plan for the summer?  For next year?  We've been planning for summer - cancer be damned.
Meg is planning out sports teams, lessons, camp, her MAW trip.  It is going to be an amazing summer.  cancer be damned.

Feeling the weight of it all

Most days, I try and focus on the positives.  I'm so thankful to have my child with me, and I take each day as a great gift.  She's come through so much, and she's come so far from where she was.  But today is one of those days when I can't help but feel the enormity of the loss. 
Today was a softball game.  I went late - figured that I wouldn't need to be there early to see her play.  Another game, where Maggie got to sit on the sidelines and watch her teammates.  Another game where she has missed out.  I hate it.  I hate that my amazing, talented, athletic child has to sit on the sidelines.  It isn't fair.  It isn't right.  It just sucks.