So now what?  Doctor says scans are good.  Report shows no worrisome "uptake" on the PET, but a 5 mm node that wasn't noted before.... something to watch.
I hate that there is something to watch - something to worry about.

My heart breaks for all that she has lost.  My heart breaks for the hurt that she continues to feel - when she watches other girls take her spot on the softball team, when her coach tells her she should sleep in and miss the first the game.... when she hears about her classmate's social lives, and knows that she isn't included.  And the little things - like that fact that she cant have a ponytail.

cancer is so cruel.

"normalcy"

Two months off treatment.  Clean scans.   The fact that my daughter has cancer still never leaves my mind.  It is a constant.  After all that's happened, even if this thing never reappears, it will always be with her.  She will live with it, and to a lesser extent, so will I.

This week, I sat and watched my child in the goal - for the first time in 16 months.  I watched her deflect ball after ball.  I felt such joy that she was able to do this again.  And at the same time, grief at all that she has lost.  I'm thrilled that she is out there.  I'm in awe of her.  Where would she be right now if she hadn't gotten sick?  How would she be playing?  Would she be prepping for upcoming tournaments?  Anticipating college recruiters?

Today I try hard to just be happy for all that she has.